I cannot believe that today marks six years of missing Joel. Each year this time comes and the joyful preparation for the holidays takes on a new somber and sobering mood.  Today has been particularly heavy as Joel would be an uncle X2, to a beautiful, big boy.  While I know their Uncle Buck truly knows his nephews and their souls better than me - I'm still yearning for that picture of a causal Uncle Joel, in a hoodie and jeans (over pajama flannel pants), with his nephews on his lap smiling at my camera. It may be bit selfish, but that doesn't stop me from wanting it.  These are the moments when I can't help but break, oh so slightly. I wouldn't mind sharing just one more moment, and one more memory.

At the same time, there is so much to celebrate. We had so many wonderful years as a family - 25 years with Joel packed with adventure and pulling off the impossible. We traveled around the United States in the motorhome with our parents and grandparents throughout middle and high school, and became best friends and allies through college - even though our schools were 7 hours apart. At his young age, Joel bought land and built a cabin - that his friends and family so graciously helped finish. He snowmobiled, hunted, traveled, built, worked, played, loved his friends and family dearly, and had so much fun.

Most importantly today we celebrate how Joel connected us with so many wonderful and loving friends - who have become an extension of our family. You know who you are, and today we feel especially close to you. We have also been remarkably blessed to meet our family friends in Missouri. We continue to cherish the time we spend with his buddies from high school and college. His crew continues to grow their families and change jobs or homes, while staying the same great people we know and love.

Our lives have changed too. Over the last six years I've married an amazing man, and we've welcomed two beautiful boys. We've moved homes, and my parents became grandparents! Together we've loved, cried and struggled, but most importantly we've laughed - a lot. I've continued my education and tried to sneak in as much life and adventure as possible. Joel has taught me that there's no better place than the current moment, and there's no reason not to fully enjoy the life we are given.

So tonight I will put my worries aside, and I will have a KBC Widow Maker, a favorite Michigan Tech beverage. I will squeeze my boys tightly, and kiss my family goodnight. Make today count.

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